How to Tell Your Partner You Aren’t Satisfied in Bed
There are not many situations as disappointing as an unsatisfying sexual experience. Sex offers an amazing release; when this release doesn’t occur the resulting tension and frustrations can affect the everyday aspects of your life.
If you’re in a causal sexual relationship the answer is simple; you simply move on to a new partner that satisfies your physical needs. If you’re in a committed relationship, however, the situation is much more complicated.
Before approaching your partner with your complaints consider what you would want to hear if the situation was reversed. Your partner probably thinks that you are enjoying their skills in the bedroom. Just as you are using techniques you learned from previous sexual relationships, they are performing the acts that gained positive response in the past. Each individual has their own unique sexual preferences; your partner can have no idea of what really turns you on unless you tell them.
There are a few ways you can let your partner know exactly what you want in bed. Many people find they can modify their partner’s sexual behaviour through positive response. When your partner does something that really turns you on let them know! When you compliment a technique your partner is much more likely to repeat it. If you physically and verbally respond to the things you enjoy, and remain silent and still through the things you don’t most partners will subconsciously alter their behaviour.
If you’ve tried non-confrontational, positive response and you’re still unsatisfied in bed it is time to have an honest conversation with your partner. This is not a conversation that should be had in the bedroom, or directly after sexual interaction. Take care to not word your feelings as complaints and never imply that your partner is doing something wrong. Talk about the things that do turn you on as much as the things that don’t; your partner may need reassurance that you are attracted to them. If there is a specific act your partner continues to perform even after you become non-responsive to it discuss that act with your partner. They may have a fetish or other preoccupation with the act and need it to climax; if you understand the satisfaction your partner gains from the act you may be more aroused by it yourself.
Once you’ve explained your needs to your partner and you understand their desires, teaching each other exactly what you want can be an exciting and erotic experience. Pick up some edible body paint and take turns painting pleasure maps on your bodies. Make different symbols that direct your partner to lick, suck or bite your individual pleasure areas. Or use light dominance/submissive role playing to take control and tell your partner exactly what you want them to do.
Sexual incompatibility can be frustrating, but it doesn’t have to mean the end of your relationship. In fact it can lead to honest and open communication about your desires, and result in the most satisfying sexual relationship of your life.