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It was a fairy tale beginning, you met the right person at the right time, everything was perfect ; both of your families couldn’t be happier and your friends said that you were a match-made-in-heaven. You got married and things seemed perfect, then as the years ticked by life got in the way – kids, work and overbooked schedules. Then you started to see flaws in your marriage and in the other person, and now you can’t help but wonder “did I make the wrong choice”.

There is a saying “marriage is not like freshly-cooked food where once you realize that it’s too hot for you, you can spit it out”.

So you found out that your partner is a gambler? You quit? That’s it? Although there is a belief that being compatible and sharing the same beliefs are great contributors to every marriage, they are not always a guarantee that your marriage will always be in safe waters. Here are some ways to bring your marriage back on track:

Value Yourself Every relationship works on a give and take basis. But too much of anything is always bad. It is a mistake to give so much of yourself that you end up giving all of you. When you have given all of you, what else is there left to give? To be able to give, you should have something to give. So make it a point to constantly feed your physical self, emotional self and intellectual self. Do things for yourself, things that you love and things that inspire you. Put yourself first and you will have something leftover to give to your better half.

Work on what matters Everyone has a picture of that perfect relationship. Talk with your partner and paint a picture of what a perfect relationship is for both of you. Once you find that common ground for your perfect relationship, make a road map to help you reach that common ground. Together figure out where you are right now and think of things to do which will help you reach that place of perfect marriage. Work on the necessary tasks and possible change, over time you will both be appreciative of the extra effort you are each putting in to save the marriage. Remember you can never have it all, however work out what is important and work towards that. .

Marriage is an investment It sounds rather harsh and unromantic, but it is the truth. Marriage is an investment of emotion, time, effort, intelligence, strength, trust, faith, hope, dreams and money. And when we talk about investment, we want to reap the benefits from it. Emotionally we want to be secured. We want to spend quality time and not quarrel time away with our partner. Both parties should agree on what their expectations are in their investments – especially when it comes to monetary issues. Having a clear set-up on how to handle the necessary finances will help keep the marriage from failing due to financial accountabilities.

Rules on avoiding war Discipline is the key in every successful venture. If you want to venture on a nag-free marriage, then set some rules for every situation. For example, if one forgot to inform the other of coming home late, then the waiting party should say, “I will let this go this time because this is the first time”, or “I understand that you have a valid reason, but please let me know next time so I won’t be worried”. There is always a way on how to say things the proper way. And do not forget to accept when you are wrong so that misunderstandings can be avoided.

Know when to divert There will always come a time when certain issues comes in too strongly that one party gets too affected or too heated up. In these situations, the best thing to do is to divert. Leave the issue for a while and try to get back to it on a later time when logical thinking is already possible for both parties. But do not forget the issue altogether for it might come back on a more difficult timing. Try to resolve the issue with clearer thoughts.

Make it happen By making it happen means to make sex a priority. Sexual intimacy is always a part of every happy marriage. Kisses, hugs, acts of courtship, simple touching and even just a warm smile from across a room full of people always helps a marriage to keep working in a harmonious way. Sex is often times an assurance that our partner is still a part of the relationship and it lets both parties know that they still want each other. Don’t neglect the bedroom, make an effort to learn ways to spice it up – try new sex toys, games, flirty comments and even different locations.

Forgive and forget Easier said than done, right!. Yes, everyone is guilty of hurting their partner in more ways than one. Sometimes the other party may make a mistake, and the other partner refuses to forgive and move on. What a waste of time, effort and energy to have such a grudge when you could not possibly do anything to change what has already transpired.

In these situations, it is very important that the sinning party admits and regrets their mistake or misconduct. But it will always be of help if the grudging party takes on all that boiling anger in one big blow and let it all out once and for all – after which they could forgive, forget and move on -- understanding that these grudges will never help them in any way.

Don’t become lazy Once a couple decides to get married, they both presume that they will always be perfectly happy – no matter what. Too few take into consideration the fact that once they get married they both have the mutual obligations and responsibilities of keeping the marriage exciting and fulfilling to both parties. Too many take their partners for granted and do not exert t much effort, especially when it comes to sex and romance – they become lazy. This mistake is the general reason why a marriage loses its magic. No more flowers or sexy lingerie, no more cooking for his friends, no more buying gifts and going out on special occasions. These things should be kept even after marriage to help keep the balance and the spark alive.

There is no such thing as, “I have done my part.” Marriage is much more important than dating, it is the real relationship and it is the best part of being in a relationship.

Take a reality check and think of being left alone Imagine you no longer had your partner in your life. Look back on all the times you shared together and how happy you both were. Taking the time to remember and look back will help you appreciate your spouse more, it will inspire you to start appreciating every single second and opportunity you have with your partner. This way, a marriage will become more meaningful and less conventional.

You signed the marriage contract Once you signed that paper, you made your choice. You swore to love, honour and commit to making it work. You agreed to be with your partner through hard times and good. The day you married your partner you agreed to do everything in your power to make it work. Honour traditions and respect the deeper value of marriage, don’t give up without a fight.

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